Out in the Sun for Too Long: Fruit

What is the best kind of fruit? I ask myself this question on an almost daily basis.

If you ask me, the best kind of fruit doesn’t require a lot of work to be eaten. Some might say the raspberry. I don’t like those kinds of people. Raspberries are a false fruit. A kind of sinister scheme cooked up by bog farmers to spruce up their cranberry juices.

Cranberries get on my nerves as well. Why do they taste so bad? And why do they put them in so many juices? This must be some kind of conspiracy. Fifty years ago, cranberry farmers bought up acres of land from the U.S. government. Bogland, they called it. Finding that their barley crops could not grow, they had to find a suitable seed to plant.

Now, they have metric tons of cranberries that stink up storehouses the world over. What else are they going to do with them but stick them in our juice?

There are only two kinds of juices that matter: orange and apple. And even apple is pushing it.

Why do I want to drink the fruit equivalent of urine? It even smells like urine if you leave it out for two weeks on the window sill.

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